[Firefly may not be good at reading people like Kafka or Silver Wolf, but she's not totally blind. She can tell something is off by how Stelle doesn't joke about something like going to prison or not wanting to go to the zoo because of the monkey memes.
Hm...]
Of course you can. I'm at home right now. You can come right in.
[That's all she types out before she rushes out the door of her own home, sprinting to Firefly's own home. Stelle doesn't waste a single precious second in crafting up wind currents to carry her over; knowing that her movements would be much faster this way.
There's an ache in her chest that echoes a desire to see her, that she has to see this through.
When it's time to make a choice, make one you won't regret.
She finally reaches the door and while she was told that she could come right in, she knocks regardless.]
[... That's something else that pings Firefly's worry. Stelle's not really one to hesitate - at least, not unless something's really bothering her. Had whatever happened shaken up the trailblazer that badly?
As she makes her way through her apartment, Firefly makes a mental checklist; she's recently stocked up on tea and coffee, her laundry is recently washed so her more comfy blankets are fresh and clean... she's sure she has everything around if she needs to pamper Stelle a little if she needs comfort.
Nodding to herself, she opens the door.]
Stelle... what happened?
[If she just asks if everything's okay... she's afraid Stelle might try to downplay it. Like that time in the library.]
man thank god i commissioned those crying icons from penacony now huh!!!!
[It's only when she sees Firefly right in front of her that she hears the echoes of memory -
Was it really a memory?
The crackles of something in the back of her mind, that try to convince her that it was just a delusion; all figments of her imagination that she made up, even if something about it all seemed so real...
Before she knows it, droplets of water start to line the edges of her eyes and while she wants to say something. Anything. The response that the smaller girl gets isn't found in her words, but her actions as she takes those steps forward and wraps her arms around the smaller girl.]
...I'm sorry. I'm - I'm really sorry...
[Those are the only words that she can manage, each syllable filled with the tears that start to stream down her cheeks.]
[Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. This is the first time she's seen Stelle like this - even in her hazy memories right after being run through by Death, and their reunion here in Ellipsa after she'd revealed her true self to Stelle in Penacony... she hadn't seen tears come this fast to the other girl like this. It makes the bottom of Firefly's stomach drop out at the same time her heart twists painfully, and her mind begins to race.
What happened? Is Stelle okay back home? Are the rest of the Express members okay? The Stellaron Hunters? Had things gone wrong in whatever world they'd traveled to after Penacony?
So many questions, but she knows if she asks now, that might just make Stelle spiral harder. Whatever new memories are fresh in her mind might be raw, an open wound that sends bolts of pain at even the slightest touch. So she holds her tongue for now, arms reaching up to hold Stelle with all the strength she has in her body.]
Just let it out. You're okay. I promise, Stelle - with me, you're okay.
[She keeps her voice as gentle and soothing as she can as she steps back, guiding Stelle inside and nudging the door closed with her foot. Shut away the outside world, so Stelle doesn't have to think about it or any eyes on them for the moment.]
[She easily allows herself in, even as her grip around the smaller girl tightens. As if she's afraid that if she even dares to let go, Firefly would disappear just like that memory...]
But-
[There's more crackles in her voice as her shoulders shake, as she tries to breathe and steady herself, even through her babbling.]
... I forgot. I forgot all of you, and--
[She still doesn't remember, not really. There's only fragments of something that feels real, but still feels like a memory that didn't exist.
It hurts.
Even if it's something that shouldn't, there's just that something, a knife that feels like it's lodged itself into her chest.]
You... did you remember something about your time with us?
[But... that shouldn't be possible, should it? Even though she wouldn't put it past Kafka, with how she cared for Stelle, to be a little less... thorough with wiping Stelle's memories for the sake of what they all had... she knows that Kafka is also the most adherent to the "script". She wouldn't let sentimentality get in the way, would she?
[Firefly lets out a soft huff that might have been her attempt at a laugh. Really... at this rate, Stelle's going to have the eyes of all the Aeons on her. Maybe it's a little funny, but... it's also a little terrifying. Especially if something like this happens again - just how would Stelle be affected if Nous were to turn their gaze to her? Or IX?
Firefly's hold on her tightens, ever so slightly, before loosening so she can back up again, guiding Stelle further into her apartment until she can reach the couch in her living room. Trying her best not to disentangle herself from Stelle, to keep giving her that solid anchor to keep her grounded, she sits, tugging the other girl with her.]
... They must be very precious to you, if those memories drew the attention of two powerful beings.
[It makes her happy to think about... but it also hurts.]
But she also remembers the words that the memory spoke to her - that she knows to do what's most important.]
Most of it was scattered scenes here and there. It wasn't that I recalled anything specific, but rather the memory of how everyone treated me, back then...?
You don't... there's no reason for you to feel guilty. You didn't forget because those memories weren't important to you, and the cause of your forgetting wasn't anything you did.
[She can't even really blame Kafka. It was just... a part of the script.]
I like to think I know you a lot better now, than I did back then. And I know that if you could, you'd hold onto those memories as tightly as you would the memories you have now. That means just as much as you remembering.
... I don't know how much I could, or should, say, but... if asking me something might help sort out what's going on in your heart... I can try to answer.
[Firefly's arms drop from around Stelle's shoulders, but not to pull away. She still stays as close to the other girl as possible, still leans in to let that warmth linger between them, but her hands move down so that she can take one of Stelle's in both of hers, turning her palm upward like she's trying to examine it.]
I thought... you were the only one that could really understand me. We were both created for one sole purpose, and our humanity seemed to just be a side-effect. It was subtle, but... you began to change, when you were with us. Maybe not as much as you have now, but I could see it.
... I really admired you for it. I had a lot of trouble adapting when I wasn't in battle all the time, but you made it look so easy. [She laughs gently, one thumb tracing small lines across Stelle's gloved palm.] I think that's why we kind of clicked so well together. That's why... you were such a precious person to me, even back then.
[Pause. Her grip tightens on Stelle's, ever so slightly.]
One of the first things I could ever call a wish of mine was because of you. More than anything... I wished that we could have met just as we are now.
[She's glad they had that second chance. She'd been looking forward to it for so long. But it still hurts, in a way, knowing it came at the price of Stelle's memories.]
[She doesn't know what to say. Honestly, what can she say, to all that?
There are feelings that she's still kept buried and shrugged off. Bringing a sleeve to her eyes, she wipes whatever residual tears linger before smiling.]
Thank you. I think that... even if I still can't remember everything, I can still move forward and continue to make those choices that I won't regret.
[...]
...Hey, Firefly. Can I say something that's a little selfish?
[As much as she, too, wants to move forward, to keep moving on the path she hopes will lead her to the life she so desperately wants... she can't help but keep looking back, at the blood left in her wake.
... But she can't let herself linger on that. Not in this moment.]
Of course. You're always allowed to be a little selfish here.
[There's a hint of hesitation, but eventually she asks--]
Can I stay the night? [It isn't what she really wants to ask, but it's a start.] Usually I'd be working in the evenings, but I'm sure everyone'll understand if I close the doors and get myself resettled for one day.
[And to contrast, there's no hesitation at all from Firefly.]
Everyone's allowed to take some time to themselves, and with how these shifts in memories happen, I'm sure they'll understand. Besides...
[Now it's time for Firefly to hesitate, before she moves her hand again to thread her fingers through Stelle's.]
... Maybe it's selfish of me, but... I don't want to leave you tonight. Not after how shaken you looked when I first opened the door. So let me make you something warm to drink, and I can pull out a few blankets, and we can relax here until it's time to sleep, okay?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Hm...]
Of course you can. I'm at home right now.
You can come right in.
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[That's all she types out before she rushes out the door of her own home, sprinting to Firefly's own home. Stelle doesn't waste a single precious second in crafting up wind currents to carry her over; knowing that her movements would be much faster this way.
There's an ache in her chest that echoes a desire to see her, that she has to see this through.
When it's time to make a choice, make one you won't regret.
She finally reaches the door and while she was told that she could come right in, she knocks regardless.]
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As she makes her way through her apartment, Firefly makes a mental checklist; she's recently stocked up on tea and coffee, her laundry is recently washed so her more comfy blankets are fresh and clean... she's sure she has everything around if she needs to pamper Stelle a little if she needs comfort.
Nodding to herself, she opens the door.]
Stelle... what happened?
[If she just asks if everything's okay... she's afraid Stelle might try to downplay it. Like that time in the library.]
man thank god i commissioned those crying icons from penacony now huh!!!!
Was it really a memory?
The crackles of something in the back of her mind, that try to convince her that it was just a delusion; all figments of her imagination that she made up, even if something about it all seemed so real...
Before she knows it, droplets of water start to line the edges of her eyes and while she wants to say something. Anything. The response that the smaller girl gets isn't found in her words, but her actions as she takes those steps forward and wraps her arms around the smaller girl.]
...I'm sorry. I'm - I'm really sorry...
[Those are the only words that she can manage, each syllable filled with the tears that start to stream down her cheeks.]
putting them to use in the most painful way!!!
[Something is wrong. Something is terribly wrong. This is the first time she's seen Stelle like this - even in her hazy memories right after being run through by Death, and their reunion here in Ellipsa after she'd revealed her true self to Stelle in Penacony... she hadn't seen tears come this fast to the other girl like this. It makes the bottom of Firefly's stomach drop out at the same time her heart twists painfully, and her mind begins to race.
What happened? Is Stelle okay back home? Are the rest of the Express members okay? The Stellaron Hunters? Had things gone wrong in whatever world they'd traveled to after Penacony?
So many questions, but she knows if she asks now, that might just make Stelle spiral harder. Whatever new memories are fresh in her mind might be raw, an open wound that sends bolts of pain at even the slightest touch. So she holds her tongue for now, arms reaching up to hold Stelle with all the strength she has in her body.]
Just let it out. You're okay. I promise, Stelle - with me, you're okay.
[She keeps her voice as gentle and soothing as she can as she steps back, guiding Stelle inside and nudging the door closed with her foot. Shut away the outside world, so Stelle doesn't have to think about it or any eyes on them for the moment.]
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But-
[There's more crackles in her voice as her shoulders shake, as she tries to breathe and steady herself, even through her babbling.]
... I forgot. I forgot all of you, and--
[She still doesn't remember, not really. There's only fragments of something that feels real, but still feels like a memory that didn't exist.
It hurts.
Even if it's something that shouldn't, there's just that something, a knife that feels like it's lodged itself into her chest.]
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Oh.]
You... did you remember something about your time with us?
[But... that shouldn't be possible, should it? Even though she wouldn't put it past Kafka, with how she cared for Stelle, to be a little less... thorough with wiping Stelle's memories for the sake of what they all had... she knows that Kafka is also the most adherent to the "script". She wouldn't let sentimentality get in the way, would she?
But if that's the case, then how...?]
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[That's the best way to put it. She tries to cool herself off, speaking slowly as she explains herself.]
A titan-- a god wanted to see my memories, and then, Fuli gazed at me.
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Firefly's hold on her tightens, ever so slightly, before loosening so she can back up again, guiding Stelle further into her apartment until she can reach the couch in her living room. Trying her best not to disentangle herself from Stelle, to keep giving her that solid anchor to keep her grounded, she sits, tugging the other girl with her.]
... They must be very precious to you, if those memories drew the attention of two powerful beings.
[It makes her happy to think about... but it also hurts.]
What did you remember?
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[She trails off, the words implied but unspoken.
I should have tried harder not to forget them.
But she also remembers the words that the memory spoke to her - that she knows to do what's most important.]
Most of it was scattered scenes here and there. It wasn't that I recalled anything specific, but rather the memory of how everyone treated me, back then...?
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[Even if Blade is... Blade. Even if Silver Wolf pretends to not care about anything other than her games all that much. She knows.]
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[...]
I see.
[Hearing that is what makes it hurt all the more. The ache in her chest... it just isn't going away all that easily.]
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You don't... there's no reason for you to feel guilty. You didn't forget because those memories weren't important to you, and the cause of your forgetting wasn't anything you did.
[She can't even really blame Kafka. It was just... a part of the script.]
I like to think I know you a lot better now, than I did back then. And I know that if you could, you'd hold onto those memories as tightly as you would the memories you have now. That means just as much as you remembering.
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[Her voice is extremely quiet, but also grateful.]
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Is it okay... if I asked how those scattered memories made you feel?
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It's strangely comforting.]
It's... I don't know, entirely.
[There's a conflict in Stelle's golden eyes, her expression wincing.]
It felt like something deep inside of me was fighting against itself.
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... Fighting to remember, or fighting to forget?
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... I don't know how much I could, or should, say, but... if asking me something might help sort out what's going on in your heart... I can try to answer.
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[The question that she has is a terrifying one. It's not just about her old memories anymore, after all--]
How did you feel about me, back then?
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I thought... you were the only one that could really understand me. We were both created for one sole purpose, and our humanity seemed to just be a side-effect. It was subtle, but... you began to change, when you were with us. Maybe not as much as you have now, but I could see it.
... I really admired you for it. I had a lot of trouble adapting when I wasn't in battle all the time, but you made it look so easy. [She laughs gently, one thumb tracing small lines across Stelle's gloved palm.] I think that's why we kind of clicked so well together. That's why... you were such a precious person to me, even back then.
[Pause. Her grip tightens on Stelle's, ever so slightly.]
One of the first things I could ever call a wish of mine was because of you. More than anything... I wished that we could have met just as we are now.
[She's glad they had that second chance. She'd been looking forward to it for so long. But it still hurts, in a way, knowing it came at the price of Stelle's memories.]
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There are feelings that she's still kept buried and shrugged off. Bringing a sleeve to her eyes, she wipes whatever residual tears linger before smiling.]
Thank you. I think that... even if I still can't remember everything, I can still move forward and continue to make those choices that I won't regret.
[...]
...Hey, Firefly. Can I say something that's a little selfish?
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And that's another reason I admire you so much.
[As much as she, too, wants to move forward, to keep moving on the path she hopes will lead her to the life she so desperately wants... she can't help but keep looking back, at the blood left in her wake.
... But she can't let herself linger on that. Not in this moment.]
Of course. You're always allowed to be a little selfish here.
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[There's a hint of hesitation, but eventually she asks--]
Can I stay the night? [It isn't what she really wants to ask, but it's a start.] Usually I'd be working in the evenings, but I'm sure everyone'll understand if I close the doors and get myself resettled for one day.
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[And to contrast, there's no hesitation at all from Firefly.]
Everyone's allowed to take some time to themselves, and with how these shifts in memories happen, I'm sure they'll understand. Besides...
[Now it's time for Firefly to hesitate, before she moves her hand again to thread her fingers through Stelle's.]
... Maybe it's selfish of me, but... I don't want to leave you tonight. Not after how shaken you looked when I first opened the door. So let me make you something warm to drink, and I can pull out a few blankets, and we can relax here until it's time to sleep, okay?
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